Saturday, June 13, 2020

June 18,2020
and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:4 NKJV)
      The glory of God’s grace continues to work in us and better us as just part of its blessing. Grace is not just to get to heaven because eternal life begins the moment we come to God.
June 17,2020
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;” (Romans 5:3 NKJV)
     The grace of God does not just save us but gives meaning to our life. We see the glory of God as our tribulations produce perseverance. The glory of God’s grace is beyond our comprehension but not beyond our appreciation.
June 16,2020
through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” (Romans 5:2 NKJV)
      Faith is not of us but is itself an act of the grace of God. God’s glory is seen in His great love to call us back from our sin and rebellion. What kind of love is this?
A birth comes with a slow change of what delivers
things become uncomfortable and out of balance
at times there is happiness about the coming life
at other times there is a dread at coming change
what will be brought about by the coming change
closer to the time the more discomfort there is
the pain continues to grow within every part
all becomes connected in pressure and pain
slowly the old life falls apart in preparation
for the new to be born the old must pass away
faster and faster the pressure grows and grows
the pain continues to grow like the new birth
the pain births many rivulets of sweat flowing
fear tenses muscles making it harder to move
fear grows into anger and anger into hate
the coming birth grows all that seems wrong
it seems as if new life will bring about death
like with twins the new life battles within
which new life will come forth from this birth
as the birth begins the pressure grows harsher
too much must come through so little space
groans, screams, tears, anger all become one
what will come forth from this new birthing
what will the future hold for us with this birth
Only God knows! Others must pray and hope      6/12/2020
It is easier to choose death than life
life is difficult and very hard work
you don’t have to die to choose death
you just have to choose not to live
there are many dead walking around
they just don’t bother laying down
there is no life within their existing
each day begins and ends – just ends
too afraid of death to really live              6/10/2020

Thursday, June 11, 2020

June 15,2020
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,” (Romans 5:1 NKJV)
      The glory of God is how we are able to once again love and worship God. We are justified – made just by faith in the redemptive power of the death and resurrection of Jesus which allows us to “have peace with God”.
There is the death of a thousand cuts
Why can’t you do anything right?
Why are you so fat?
You are such a bucket head!
You sweat too much!
You are so stupid!
Your father left!
I didn’t want you to know your grandmother!
You are a lousy husband!
You are not the man I married!
You did not become the man I thought you would be!
You are a bad father!
You hurt me!
Why can’t you love me like I want?
Why don’t you pray and read the Bible with me?
You are smart enough to know better!
You put your work before us!
You didn’t pastor the way you should have!
You do not care!
So many many more. Each one a cut, a jab. I try so hard to not feel sorry for myself.
You are stupid to waste your time feeling sorry for yourself!
I try not to let them pile up.
I have told you this time after time and you never change!
I trust in God to love me.
You are such a sinner and can’t let go of the pornography!
I read Hebrews 6 and realize I have humiliated God and am cut off from Him.
So now I wait.
I continue to worship the God who deserves it even though I humiliated Him and am cut off because God is still worthy of praise. I pray for those in need hoping God will still hear my prayer. I lay here disabled and just try to make it through each hour. At times the pain is so horrific but I deserve it for I have dishonored God and hurt others. When this started I thought it was to glorify God but now I know it is just a preparation for hell. I wait for this pain to become the eternal pain I deserve. I am not depressed I just know.
So now I wait.