Saddle Sores
Life in the United Methodist Ministry
A Methodist Circuit Rider
By Ronald Ramsey
Saddle Sores
Life in the United Methodist Ministry
By Ronald Ramsey
Over the years I often joked I would sit down one day and write about all of the funny experiences during my years of ministry. It seemed to me they could be useful in at least four ways.
First, as a way to share with my family the “Great Adventure” God laid out for us. I remember the song by that name by Stephen Curtis Chapman who must have been thinking about Methodist preachers when he calls us to “saddle up our horses”.
Second, I hope this writing is a source of laughter and joy for a world which needs to be able to laugh more, especially at itself. We take our tasks and ourselves too serious and miss the joy and blessing God has for us.
Third, these stories might help others realize they are not uniquely crazy or unfortunate for all the things that happened to them. Indeed this book can bring comfort that just because many crazy things happen is not an assurance that you are crazy. Often in the craziest of experiences we more clearly see God working. So there is hope!
Four, because in these last days of my pastoral ministry here in this world I feel my memories are either slipping or being stirred into confusion. As I look at God’s call for me it is a good time to look back and see where God has led me and all we have ridden through together.
Thanks
Above all I want to give thanks and praise to God who created me, healed me, redeemed me, called me and loved me even when I was unlovable.
Thanks to Bonnie who has walked this journey with me knowing she was walking with a broken vessel (or cracked pot as I like to say). She has helped me along the way and her gifts as a Bible Study leader and musician have strengthened each congregation.
Thanks to Sarah, Jonathan and Rebecca who as my children often paid a great price for their dad’s ministry and as preachers kids. And now for Levi Bennett who when he married Sarah became part of our fun and crazy family.
If you want to read my blog copy and paste the address below.
http://www.dailydoseofglory.com
Chapter 1
The fall
Until I was nine years old I lived in Portland Maine. My biological father left when I was young and Mom met and married a Coast Guardsman from West Virginia and later we moved to West Virginia. Mom was Lorena Ann Preston and my Dad was Loran Eugene Ramsey. So I became Ronald Wayne Ramsey from Portland Maine and also from South Charleston West Virginia.
At the age of 17 I graduated from George Washington High School and entered the Navy. They sent me to Great Lakes Recruit Training Center where I spent time learning the Navy way. During the time I was at boot camp we went from sunstroke to frostbite.
After boot camp I was sent to an Army base for the Armed Forces Radio and Television School or AFRTS. I did not complete the training so was sent to the fleet as undesignated.
I was sent to the USS Independence (CV-62) and began my time in the scullery washing plates and utensils. After my time in the scullery they wanted to make me an Aviation Ordnanceman. Thus began my nightmare.
There is no way to describe what I experienced or saw. My time was spent defusing a live bomb which had been accidentally stored, fighting terrible fires, piecing together a man who had been sucked into a jet engine, piecing together a person who walked into propellers, seeing a man cut in half by the wing of a jet during a storm to almost killing a person in my rage.
There is nothing that prepares an 18 year old boy to see the inside of a person and to piece them together like a puzzle to ensure the family got their son back.
The nightmares became daymares and I drank to forget. I drank to function and I drank to live. My drinking grew to such a level because I could drink to terrible excess and still function and seldom got a hangover. Alcohol became an anesthetic and my attempt to not remember what I had not only seen but experienced.
What I saw became who I was. It imploded my mind and destroyed my heart. I saw so many around me who feared death. I used to tell people that I took so much training to ensure I would get out of the Navy alive. But I realize now I wasn’t afraid to die because I was already dying inside. I was afraid to live because I no longer knew how to live nor even wanted to. One day I had one leg over the fantail rail before stopping. I still am not sure why I stopped at that time.
Please understand that I am not blaming the Navy or anyone else. I never cried out for help or even knew how to. I reacted in ways that brought momentary relief but really just added another layer of nightmare.
We were going out for a short cruise and I was in a panic. Everything was falling apart and I knew death was coming. In desperation I turned to God. I had seen a church on TV that sounded like they would help me. I went to the service and was so embarrassed I sat behind a pillar and waited for the service to begin. As I waited an elderly gentleman came and tapped me on the shoulder. “This is our television service. Could you please leave and come back for another service.”
I left so dejected. Not even God wanted me! I returned to my ship without hope and waiting for death to end my pain and torment.
A couple of nights later as I rested in my rack I experienced I do not know what. As I laid there I saw the devil and he told me that I was his and soon would be with him. Then I knew even death would not end my suffering!
A couple of days later I awoke and went to shave. Everywhere my razor touched blood flowed first in drops and then in streaks. The pain in my shoulder and arm was so bad I wanted to scream.
I went to the corpsman and asked to see the doctor. I sat for awhile and then General Quarters was called and I had to leave to fight a fire. As I left the corpsman gave me some aspirin for the pain. In anger I threw them away.
After fighting the fire I returned to the corpsman and finally saw the doctor. He was furious I had been allowed to return to duty and had been given aspirin. Not even knowing what was going on within two hours I was on a COD flight to a hospital at Portsmouth.
They did a bone marrow test and as I lay there with the pain from the test, the pain from what was going on and the pain of my life I knew nothing good was coming.
The doctor came and told me my bone marrow was pretty much gone and I had Leukemia and had six months to live. In a short while he returned and said the first diagnosis was wrong and that I had Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura or ITP and only had three months to live.
For years I told people I wanted to go back to the first diagnosis but that really wasn’t the truth. I really didn’t care. As I said before I was not afraid to die, I was afraid of living. I hurt everyone I was with and destroyed everything I had.
My Mom came to see me and after a while I was sent home for two weeks leave before going on to my next duty assignment at Naval Air Station Memphis in Millington Tennessee. I knew they were keeping me in because it would be easier to just let me die in service rather than having to deal with all the paperwork about the health issues for such a short time.
When I got home I was a human wreck. I had red marks all over from where I just started bleeding. I got stopped a couple of times as a suspected drug addict because for weeks they checked my blood every four hours over a 24 hour period. My arms looked like I had the tracks of an addict.
The pain was so incredible! For about 15 to 30 minutes I had peace when I woke up. But after that I felt explosions in my mind and all over in my body. Because they didn’t really know what to do they gave me 6 times the maximum dose of steroids but wouldn’t give me pain medications.
One day a friend of mine from High School’s Mom called and asked me to breakfast. I didn’t want to go but I was raised to do what an older lady asked you to so I said yes. Mrs. Richardson met me and we talked as we ate. She told me she had been praying for my soul for three years!
She shared her concern for me and asked me to go to her church where people would pray for me. I didn’t want to go but my raising won out. I went.
I will never forget going to that church and seeing a circle of ten men seated around a chair. An elderly gentleman came to me and asked me if they could pray for me. I mumbled something and then he asked me, “Do you believe you can be healed by the stripes on Christ’s back?” Honestly I replied I did not. “Can I believe for you?” Sure I mumbled.
I do not remember a word they prayed just an extreme sense of being unworthy. I believed God could do anything, but why would He care about me? Why would God heal me? I was as good as dead! I belonged to the devil and deserved everything I was getting.
As they finished the gentleman came and gently led me out and as I was leaving he looked so seriously at me and said, “Always remember you are healed by the stripes on Christ’s back!”
The next day I woke and the pain didn’t come. I felt so good I shocked Mom by telling her I was going for a walk. It was a beautiful day and West Virginia is a beautiful place. I walked for hours enjoying the day and being outdoors. The sunshine felt so good on my skin.
As I was getting close to home all of a sudden my shoulder hurt for a second and I heard the gentleman’s voice once again say, “Always remember you are healed by the stripes on Christ’s back!”
I went into my bedroom and knelt at the bed. It was a short prayer, “Please God, thank you for healing me! I have messed up my life so badly. Please take what is left of my life and make of it what You can.”
Chapter 2
The Call
I left home for Millington Tennessee still not knowing what had happened or what was happening! I believed God had helped heal the pain and He was giving me a chance to really live for the next three months.
When I got to the base and received my assignment I went to the Base Chapel since I didn’t even have a Bible. The secretary gave me a Gideon Bible and told me there was a group called the Navigators that met to study the Bible.
With the Navigators I found just what God had for me. I devoured the Bible in less than a month. I started their Book 1 study and when I finished it I took Book 2 and because they had a shortage of teachers and too many students I taught Book 1 while taking Book 2. I finished the entire series this way.
For worship I started at the Base Chapel but wasn’t very happy. I attended a Southern Baptist Church and went through some of their training. After that I attended a Church of Christ where I was Baptized when they discovered I had not been Baptized. I went to a local United Methodist Church and enjoyed their woman pastor.
At about the three month period I started having the pain in the arm again and I was sent back to my doctor at Portsmouth. After three very painful bone marrow tests the doctor said that I was healed! So back to Millington and serving God with the old voice reminding me, “Always remember you are healed by the stripes on Christ’s back!”
Love Bug
During all of this I was constantly growing and studying even while working in the Navy. Dana Knutson and I would take some younger men for pizza and share faith with them. His car would only hold so many so I asked God for permission to buy a car.
When I entered the Navy Dad convinced me to have some money put aside for savings. This had grown to be enough to purchase a car. I was so proud to pay cash for that Volkswagen Super Beetle! With the purchase I promised God the car belonged to Him and would be available for His use.
God’s response was fast and amazing. Within a week of getting the car a lady officer in our group shared a need for transportation for her roommate while she was out of town for a little while. Surprised by this answer to my offer I declared my car would be available for her roommate Bonnie to use.
Through this I learned that if you offer God something He will take you up on it. God blessed me by having a beautiful woman to chauffeur me around. During the time she borrowed my car we spent a lot of time together and grew closer and closer.
When Bonnie was offered a job as a pianist at Heritage Presbyterian Church we went together. The job was offered to the other person but we stayed and joined the church. We both were active and I was voted in as an Elder for the church. We saw the wonderful side of church family and went through the worst as Heritage split and later ceased to be.
Discovering that her family was sort of on the way to my family I dropped her off and got to know her family. Through that yellow Volkswagen our relationship grew as it became our own version of the “Love Bug”.
We were married at Pennington Gap Virginia at her Dad’s church and lived in Memphis while I finished my term in the Navy.
Life Changes
Being married made me think again about staying in the Navy. So I laid a fleece before God to see if God wanted me to remain in the Navy. After some months I realized God had different plans so Bonnie in a couple of days started a job at Shering Plough and I started to work on an Associate Degree at State Technical Institute in Memphis.
For two years I learned everything I could about computers and business. As I prepared for graduation I was offered a job with the IRS and with Walt Disney World. For a while Bonnie and I prayed for guidance on which of the two to chose. We went to a Catholic Retreat Center to take time to pray but still God seemed silent.
We went to Pennington Gap to visit with the family and Bonnie’s Dad, Reverend Ken Perkins, preached a message on accepting your call. At that place I realized I had been asking God the wrong question! I asked God if He would choose between my choices when He had His own plans and call.
After that visit we started the process of accepting God’s call into the United Methodist ministry! Following Ken’s advice we moved to Athens Tennessee so I could attend Tennessee Wesleyan College (known as Teeny Weeny College), join a United Methodist Church and start the process of going into the ministry.
We joined Allen Memorial United Methodist Church and Rev Ogle Wattenbarger was very helpful in keeping me on the straight and narrow path and from falling in the ditches.
Those two years were a blessing as I learned how to be a pastor from the Preaching classes I attended and by the example of the ministry of Rev Wattenbarger.
Chapter 3
Education
One of the first things you learn as you try to enter the United Methodist Ministry is you must have a good education. This includes a High School Diploma (or the equivalent) a Bachelor’s Degree and then a Master’s Degree from an accredited Seminary. At least that is the path I had to walk because I was so young at the time.
Here is where I first learned about the saddle sores of a circuit riding preacher. As I walked this path laid out for me of going to a seminary and serving a three church charge, I discovered the aches and pains of a tired mind, too worn body, and even more seriously a weary soul.
Endless hoops.
Over the years of preparation for ministry I often thought I was becoming a circus dog, endlessly jumping through a series of hoops which merely continued into a huge circle.
I would complete the Candidacy Course only to discover that this meant I had to get my License to Preach, which meant I had to go to the License to Preach School, which meant I was ready to receive my License to Preach which meant I had better start Seminary real soon.
Or in other words, after many classes, licensing, qualifications, and training I was ready to start at an approved seminary of the United Methodist Church.
All of this preparation was so I could serve a congregation while I was attending the approved seminary. Or in other words, I could do on the job training while I went to seminary to receive training.
In this long process I really only had only one great fear. That one day this would all make sense to me and I would understand what was going on.
On the job training
Now on the job training was not what I thought it was. I had this picture of the support and help of my fellow ministers as I took my first tentative steps to grow into the ministry.
To get advice or help meant a circle of calls. I would start with the District Office, but where it went from there was anybody’s guess. I could be referred to the Conference Office, or to a minister who had that particular project as their District or Conference duty.
Sometimes I would be told that I would be called back on Monday through Friday during the day at my charge. The trouble was I was a part-time pastor going to seminary during the week and wasn’t at my charge Monday through Friday. This would then mean that communication would come by letter.
Letters explaining things you don’t understand usually need another letter explaining what the first letter meant. Or even worse they missed the question I had entirely and answered something I already knew. The worst case I remember was where I was sent a letter that answered a question I didn’t have in a wrong way. I actually had to write them and clear them up. This process always took awhile.
The Holy City
My Seminary training was held in the little town of Wilmore in Kentucky. In the book One Divine Moment there is the true story of an incredible revival held at Asbury College at Wilmore. Note that the revival did not take place at the seminary. There is a joke among those attending seminary about how similar seminary and cemetery sound.
Asbury Theological Seminary was one of the most conservative of Methodist Seminaries. It was a Methodist Seminary but wasn’t directly affiliated with the United Methodist Church, though it did graduate a large number of United Methodist students who would go on to be pastors.
One of the blessings of Asbury was that some of the students were Nazarenes, Wesleyan, Church of God and the Salvation Army. I learned so much about the diversity in the Church but also that there was more unity than diversity.
Many a student entered that fair place of learning hoping to fill a pulpit and become pastor of a congregation. Some actually wanted to go to seminary and get an education to become an Elder in full connection. Some were there because they were required to by their denomination. But all were there to get the training they needed to become good pastors.
Seminary learning is really a basic method they should tell you before you start, but you don’t really understand until just before graduation. Seminary is to help you know what other people have said! That sentence alone will save you many agonizing moments during your seminary sentence.
All the time at seminary I worried I was taking the wrong classes or not doing anything right. I always wanted to get into studying the Bible and learning more about God from the people who were supposed to know Him better than I did. But they wanted to teach me about all the people who wrote books about the Bible. Being Methodist we majored heavily in John Wesley and studied his teachings and the man.
But seldom did we really study the Bible, or get to know God. This frustrated me incredible since I was already learning that while my people in the church didn’t know or care much about John Wesley, they did want to know about God.
As a student pastor there is the incredible urge to preach what you are learning in class. After a couple of weeks of glassy eyes and a very quiet congregation I realized this was not going to work. One thing I have learned over my years in ministry is that a quiet congregation is not something you desire. It is indeed a case of the quiet before the storm.
I know Paul went to seminary as a student pastor because only a student pastor would define the faith as running a race. There comes that frightening time in every student pastor’s life when you suddenly realize that you aren’t sure what class you are in, or even if you are in the correct class. Weariness and fatigue become part of the training itself as you prepare for the all night at the hospital with the family of a severely ill loved one.
To every student pastor who has run the race know that there is a crown laid up for you, and I do not mean your seminary degree!
Continuing education
After 21 years of education I felt I was about as educated as I could stand to be. Once I told a congregation that I stopped after 21 years because every year I learned even more how little I know and that after 21 years I was as stupid as I could possibly get.
But I had failed to take into account the 3 Continuing Education Units (CEU’s) a year my denomination required. We were told the ministry is constantly changing in our changing world, and we needed to be kept up-to-date on those changes.
The material you can choose for your CEU’s was almost limitless. Providing CEU’s for pastors has now become a big business for many. I have seen everything from a study of John Wesley to a video and audio program on speaking in tongues.
My denomination has also made me take courses to insure that I do not offend people, sexually harass people, or sexually assault people. I really didn’t know how many people must live in fear of pastors until I took those courses.
It took me years to realize I didn’t complete my education sentence when I completed Seminary, but was merely put on probation and would have to serve a week or two a year at least in remedial education.
Of all the required courses I was only required to do a Bible Study a couple of times. In all of my education for ministry studying the Bible wasn’t an important part of it. Often I have been fortunate to find a group of ministers who study together for their sermon preparation. Especially helpful are those who use the Lectionary, which is a series of selected verses for each Sunday that cover most of the Bible over a three-year period. This has kept me from just preaching about my favorite verses to the exclusion of most others. This is a wonderful system and I recommend it.
Educational inoculation
From the above you may think I do not enjoy learning. I actually love learning which is amazing after the years of educational systems trying to convince me learning is boring!
Rather than helping people discover the joy of learning and how to learn in a way that is productive and takes advantage of modern technology we are taught to fill in circles, regurgitate themes and prep for the test rather than for ministry.
Even with CEU’s in the later years of my ministry often I have not been able to get credit for learning opportunities that helped me to serve my congregations.
Family matters
Looking back I realized though I tried to make time for my family when I was in school and in the ministry I really failed at it in so many ways. Too often Bonnie and the kids thought they got the short end of the stick. Even though I could argue I did try, the most important judge was the sad looks on my family when I let them down.
The Bible reminds us how we are as a spouse or parent is an important part of our ministry and our suitability for ministry. If I could give a warning take time off and especially take time with your family. Let your congregation know your family is important to you.
Chapter 4
Firsts
As you grow there are so many firsts in your life. Each one is important and a way to chart not just your growth but your progress. Some people even have mementos of these stepping stones of progress to remember and celebrate their achievement. For these firsts I just have memories. But great memories.
First Funeral
While attending State Technical College in Memphis I worked through my VA benefits at the local Veteran's Cemetery which was close to where Bonnie and I lived. There I helped finish off graves, align headstones, kill snakes and anything else they needed me to do.
One day we were waiting for a funeral so we could close the grave. An old car with a young couple came and a car from a funeral home. I almost wept to see the tiny coffin of a new born baby.
We waited for the pastor but the young man couldn't wait because he had to catch a flight. “Preacher Ron can you have the funeral?”
At this time I was not a preacher but they called me that because I always had my Bible with me to read.
After hesitating I read from Psalm 23 and told them if they held onto Jesus they would see their little lamb again. After the prayer the parents hugged me and tearfully left behind the human wraps of their child for us to finish burying.
First Charge
The first charge I served was a three-point charge in a rural area of Tennessee. By three-point charge I mean it was made up of three different congregations. These congregations will be left nameless in order to protect the innocent. These were the congregations I served while I was going to Seminary.
A more patient people have never existed before. I was not raised in the church and my denominational background was a little unusual. As a child we attended the Salvation Army. When I was terminally ill I was taken to a Pentecostal Church for healing. In the Navy I came to the Lord and later was Baptized in the Church of Christ. I also attended a Baptist Church and later joined a Presbyterian Church. I was the youngest Elder in the Presbyterian Church in Memphis before going to the United Methodist Church. There I was called into the ministry as a United Methodist Minister.
I knew very little of what it meant to be a Methodist, though I had learned about what it meant to be a Christian. I also discovered the two were not always the same thing.
Many of the people in my first charge were better Christians than Methodists so we got along great! During my time there I did try to help them learn to be better Methodists and the congregations grew even as they helped me grow.
There would be many firsts at my first charge. Most of them would be unusual, or at least I hope they were!
MY first visit to the nursing home
A family in my first charge told me a member of their family had been placed in a nursing home and asked if I would go by and see her. I went off to perform my pastoral duty and bring encouragement to this matriarch of the church.
After finding out where her room was I went to find it. Coming to her door I saw a young attendant backing out of the room with his eyes wide open. In his flight he bumped into me and declared, “I wouldn’t go in there if I was you!” As he ran off I noticed that he had come from the very room my member was in.
Opening the door I could see the lady I had come to visit on her bed. As I started to introduce myself she smiled widely, opened her gown even wider and stated, “Come here big boy.” Following scripture I also fled temptation and hastily backed out of the room. As I turned from the door there was the attendant smiling at me and he said, “I told you not to go in there.”
The true dilemma of the situation was yet to come. What would I tell the family when they asked how the visit went? In the heart of true pastoral care I lied and told them I had a wonderful visit.
My first pastoral call on a member
Right after arriving at my first charge I was told there was a shut-in who had not been visited for a long while. I immediately set out to fulfill my pastoral duty and be warmly received by my loving member. But the visit wasn’t very warm. I could barely get the member to talk at all. She had been sick, but was feeling better. No, she would not be coming back to the congregation.
I left in a puzzled state and ran into her very irate husband. “Who are you?” the husband asked suspiciously. With a smile I told him I was the new pastor and had come to visit a member. Imagine my surprise when he responded with anger and declared, “If you ever come by here again I will take a shotgun to you.” As you can imagine this wasn’t going like I expected. Hurriedly I explained to the gentleman I would be back to visit and I would call before coming so he wouldn’t have to be there when I came.
They told me later the woman had been the pianist of the congregation for many years but because of bad health was unable to play very well. One day she fell while getting up from the piano after the service and cut her head. A former pastor, with the heart of a true pastor, declared, “You will never play the piano at this church again.” This angered the lady, and her husband who didn’t attend the. It was my joy to step into the middle of this without any warning.
Over the next couple of years I was able to visit the lady and walked with her through a long illness and then preached her funeral. To my surprise I received a call from her husband a short while later and he asked me to come and pray with him because he was facing serious surgery and was scared.
What a blessing to see him not only come to the Lord, but to see him join his old family congregation and get his life back together. I never saw his shotgun. Wonder if he even had one?
My first wedding
My first charge was made up of older members so in my first year I had 14 funerals, no baptisms, and no weddings. I think the Conference was afraid to send me back, but were even more afraid to send me anywhere else.
But finally the time came for my first wedding. A sister of a member was getting married and was so happy hers would be my first wedding. It was a very wonderful and beautiful wedding that would give me a good start as a pastor.
God had other things in mind. My wife and I had recently been in a wreck and she had just come home from staying with her parents as she recovered from a broken vertebra in her neck and a dislocated ankle. My parents had come down to visit and help out.
After lunch there was a terrible noise outside the house and I looked to see a rather large man on a motorcycle. After he got down I saw there was a smaller lady on the bike with him. They came to the door and asked if I was the preacher. After I said yes they told me they had been “hooting” a revival in nearby Virginia the night before trying to disrupt it and had actually been led to the Lord by the pastor. He had gotten permission from his Mom to go home and start over but had decided he needed to make an honest woman of his “old lady”. While getting their license at the local Courthouse they had been referred to me. (I never was able to find out who sent them.)
I went back into the house to get my material and my Father grabbed me and told me I had better watch out because he looked mean. When we went to the Church building next door my Dad followed behind to act as bodyguard. I walked them through the steps of salvation to be sure they both understood what it meant to be a Christian. Then we went through a short pre-marital counseling session. They prayed about it and they decided they did want to get married. Going back to the house, my wife gave me some of her flowers so the lady would have flowers for her wedding.
The service was short, but very sweet and then they prepared to get under way. He very emphatically stated he had to pay me. “It won’t take if you don’t pay the preacher,” he declared. Opening the large wallet with the chain attached to his belt he had three ones and a five-dollar bill. He pulled out the five-dollar bill but I declined because they would need that to get home. I finally convinced him to let me take the three-dollars and sent them off with sandwiches to eat along the way.
The sister of my member was so disappointed the next day to discover she wouldn’t be my first wedding. But her husband-to-be set it all right when he declared this was even better. “What a story to tell our friends.” They are still happily married as far as I know. I pray the same for the first couple I married.
When I would be part of a wedding people would always worry something would go wrong. I would always tell them no one watched the wedding video unless someone made a mistake they would enjoy watching. So it is with life!
My first sermon
My first sermon actually took place while I was preparing for the ministry. After receiving the call to serve in the United Methodist Church Bonnie’s dad Rev Ken Perkins told me I needed to be a member of a United Methodist Church and start the process into ministry. He suggested we move to Athens Tennessee and go to a Methodist College and join a church there.
I enrolled at Tennessee Wesleyan College and Bonnie and I joined Allen Memorial United Methodist Church with Rev Ogle Wattenbarger as the pastor. Ogle also pastored a smaller church and Bonnie became the pianist.
When the smaller church had Homecoming he asked me to preach at Allen Memorial. There was an older member there who usually went to sleep. As I preached he settled into his routine but then he started to snore. His wife was embarrassed and stuck an elbow in his side. He immediately jumped to his feet and loudly proclaimed his dissatisfaction. I just kept preaching knowing if I quit I never would preach again.
To tell the truth I really do not remember my first sermon as a pastor. I suspect that very few do. Most of us learn to preach by watching others. We tend to replicate their style and even use some of the same words they use. Some of us will even go so far as to dress like those we admire.
While this may seem to be the best way to learn it really is not. It took a while before I realized God already had a Billy Graham and some of the others I sought to emulate, but He had called me. From there came the wonderful discovery God had already given me a style and a way of speaking that would work the best for me. And since God placed me in certain places, I would be best for the places I was at.
The first sermon is merely the first step on a road leading t o discovering who we are in Jesus Christ. As we grow in that discovery our messages become extensions of ourselves offered to our congregation to show God working in a human life.
If we have the courage to do it right, preaching is the most personal and frightening thing we can do. It is personal in that we must share with others how God is working in our lives. To do otherwise is to merely read someone else’s messages. This cheats our congregation, our God, and even our self. For how can the people of our congregations believe God can work in the human heart if they do not see Him working in ours? How can we be embarrassed to share ourselves when Jesus hung naked on the cross for us? And how can we cheat ourselves by not allowing God to work through our heart, and our lives?
Preaching is frightening in two important ways. If you preach in the way described above you are hanging yourself out. A bad comment on your sermon seems a bad comment on you. This is why many preachers settle for the safe and lose the blessing of the sacred moment of sharing God working in our lives with others.
The other way preaching is frightening is because it should be. There is nothing more wonderful and scary than handling the Word of God before others knowing what we say can influence the eternal flow of a person’s life.
One day I was visiting a member in the hospital when the doctor walked in. Feeling out of place I told my member I would return and pray with them later since I didn’t want to interrupt the doctor. The doctor stopped me and told me to pray because what I was doing was more important than what he was doing. Later he told me he wouldn’t be a pastor. “If I lose someone they lose a few years, if you lose someone they are lost eternally.”
Too often we have lost not only the first love we had for Jesus, but the awesome experience of sharing God’s Word with God’s people! Rev. Alton Smith, a Methodist preacher from Georgia and my wife’s Grandfather, told me if you can get up to preach without getting nervous then it is time to quit. If we can get used to the awesome wonder of God’s Holy Spirit speaking through our lives and messages then we have lost the right to stand before others. Sometimes I think we would have probably lost more than that.
Some say today preaching doesn’t work. That is because we don’t work at preaching. I don’t mean just time in the study, but time in prayer. We need to trust God enough to allow Him to speak through us. God knows the hearts of our people better than we do, and God knows what they need to hear.
My first failure
By this I am not talking about the first time I did anything wrong, but about the discovery for the first time I really didn’t understand the ministry.
In my first charge I worked as I saw other pastors to do all I could to bring people to Jesus, get them to grow in their faith, and prepare them for the future. Long hours and a lot of labor were involved in this process. There is a saying that ministers measure their ministry by the hours they invest into it.
But as the years rolled on and more charges came my way I saw the results were not in proportion to the investment. The haggard look on other minister’s faces showed it didn’t work. A more frightening aspect was the number of ministers who saw their own children fall from the faith because their fathers were too busy in the ministry.
The answer really is very simple. The scripture says a leader in the church must first of all be a good family man. As a pastor we often forget our family needs not just a minister, but a husband and a father. To not be seen as sexist, they also need a wife and a mother. The stories of pastor’s children requesting a visit from the pastor are very real.
Over the years I have struggled with this issue more than any other. I have tried to schedule in times for family so congregational events do not conflict. It is so important to be there for your family. If you make the effort they are so much more understanding when a funeral or time at the hospital come up. I do wish I had done better at this. I know my family suffered because of my bad decisions about priorities.
But even more central is the realization I am not God! This is so hard for us to accept. Most pastors are caring people who want to fix things and make everything right. We are always looking for the magic word, or combination of words that will make everything better.
But we are not God! The vast majority of people do not suffer from a lack of pastoral care, they suffer from us not pointing them to God for their solace and healing. If you were to do a study of scripture you wouldn’t find where God told us to see our pastor for help. But the scriptures are filled with the wonderful promise the God who made us loves us and will be there to strengthen and heal us!
Some have called pastors the shepherds of the flock. But always remember only God is the Good Shepherd. God has the final say in the lives and the care of His flock. It is only God who can save someone! It is only God who can heal someone! It is only God who can change someone!
After reading “A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23” I came to believe pastors are really sheepdogs who serve at their master’s bidding. What a blessing to have My Love and Lord pat me and say “Well done!”
Point them to the Good Shepherd and you will never fail! My altar call is usually the same at each congregation. I ask people to not come up to the congregation. To not come up to the United Methodist Church, to not even come up to me. But to come up to the Lord God who is the only One who can help them.
This is the first great mistake we often make, isn’t it? The mistake of thinking we are God!
My First witch
My first Charge was in the hills where Tennessee, Kentucky and Virginia come together. It was a very rural area and to many it would seem backward. But many people were highly educated and some worked at very high level jobs but still liked to live where their family lived and to farm on the side.
But there were pockets of people of lived much the same as people had lived for generations. Some just like the lifestyle while others were either afraid to change or didn’t see the need to.
One day I was at one of my congregations and a young girl walked down from the mountains and asked to speak with me. She probably wasn’t any more than 16 and told me she had lost her baby and since she had grown up in the valley she wanted to have a funeral.
In that area denominations had strong links so I asked her what congregation her family went to. I was so amazed when she told me that her husband’s mother was a mountain witch and she didn’t want the baby to have a funeral. I told her I would be glad to hold the funeral and we started our journey.
We went to the end of the paved road, the end of the gravel, the end of the ruts and then started driving through the grass. Then you could see this large house higher up and as we climbed on foot I could see over 30 people milling around. The house had no running water or power going to it.
She took me to the small coffin the baby was in and her husband came up and was very angry that she had brought me. They explained his mom wanted to put an incantation on the baby and that meant there couldn’t be a funeral service. As we talked she seemed more and more embarrassed and finally decided it would be better to not have the service but she wanted her baby to be with Jesus.
I told her the baby belonged to God and no incantation could change that. This seemed to brighten her and then she said, “Preacher I have to live with these people, I guess we better not have the service.”
We had prayer together and asked God to comfort them in the loss of their child and to protect them in their grief and in Jesus. As we hugged his mom came up and obviously wasn’t very happy. But I stood up to her and then reminding the young mother that her child was in God’s care I made my way down the mountain.
Later she would come down and visit with me again. We talked about her faith and I told her if she needed to leave I could find her help. She said she was okay and her husband was now a Christian. I prayed for her then and remembered her and the family in my prayers.
When I talked to people about the conditions I found up there I was told many times no one bothered them because they were frightened of them. Only a few people had even been up there. There are still pockets of people all over the world cut off and we as a Church should remember the mission fields in our own back yards.
Chapter 5
Circuiting
As I first studied Methodism one of the great pictures was of the Circuit Riders. The Circuit Riders rode over many miles covering many miles and many congregations. Often they were only there long enough to preach and teach to strengthen the people and to perform the three basic rites which the English Church called hatch, match and dispatch. Which meant they would perform Baptisms, marriages and do funeral services for their congregations.
Circuit Riders were appointed yearly and covered large territories. My favorite circuit was from the 1700’s of a circuit rider who was assigned to the territory of Ohio and was assigned to outreach to the Indians in the area in his spare time!
My form of circuit riding was much different and much less harsh since though I was appointed every year my circuits were only at most three congregations at a time and I was allowed to stay for a longer period.
The places I was assigned and when I was there are recorded in the Holston Conference Journal as all good Methodists do. At each charge we discovered many of the same situations, similar people and we were able to grow in our ability to minister and to serve.
Finding your niche
One of the things I learned early on is to find your niche in what there is rather than building my own. It is easy for us to come in and set our own agenda and start to change things in the way we are used to or as we want them.
The problem is this assumes two very wrong things:
That we know the needs of the community more than the people who have lived there for years if not all of their lives.
That we set the agenda for a congregation rather than God.
I found if I waited on God the way for the congregation to minister to their community either was already known to them or would be made known by God.
Usually I would make it a rule to not change anything for the first 6 months. This gave me time to see what might need changing and gave the congregation a sense I was not making change for changes sake.
Ministering helps
As I started ministering at a congregation there were usually opportunities to minister to the families as they went through times of hatch, match and dispatch. This may sound terrible to some but over the years I discovered if you take these times to care for and love the families they were more willing to hear you even about the tough things.
I believe they saw I cared about them and were willing to believe what I did was out of concern for them.
I also found the importance of being where the Conference sent me. So often we are so busy looking at our next congregations the people sense we really are not here. They become uncomfortable with us being there and begin waiting for us to go somewhere else.
If you invest yourself in your congregation and the community you live in the congregation will invest themselves in your ministry and grow in theirs. Just like if you tithe and give they are more likely to tithe and give.
Believe in change
This title will be seen by many as the work of a pastor to change the congregation they serve. But I have found even where people accept the Gospel they really do not believe God can change lives.
A man I knew was very aggressive and angry all the time and people did not like him.
On night he called me and asked me to come to the hospital because he was afraid he would not survive the surgery he faced the next day.
We talked a while and he accepted Jesus as his savior and Lord. He smiled at me as they rolled him off to surgery.
After recovery he came to worship but there was no recognition by the congregation. The couldn't see the miraculous change in him.
Sadly he had to go to a different congregation to be accepted for his faith and the redeemed life he was living.
Chapter 6
Holy days verses Holidays
Witch way?
As stated before I had not grown up in the church so I was very surprised to discover that the church can often not be very Christian. Some of the ways we celebrate our Holy days show this more than any other.
I was so shocked to discover that the church celebrated the Devil! Even as a child some congregations had haunted house displays for the kids. It was amazing for me to see Dracula and Frankenstein on display at a party. Even as a pastor I saw congregations offer Halloween parties and the kids would come as witches and devils.
When I would mention I had a problem with this I would receive one of two responses. One would be a look of surprise and they would ask if I didn’t want the children to have fun. I never could see where dressing as a witch was fun, but I guess it was to some. Others would also offer a look of surprise and admit it probably was wrong, but after all, all the kids did it.
We as parents don’t often see what we teach children. After all, some of the sports teams at Christian schools are named devils of one color or another. (Could someone explain to me where the idea of different color devils comes from? Especially a blue devil!) So they see no difference in mixing God and the devil in their lives as well.
At one of my congregations we started a Hallelujah Night to replace Halloween. Our kids dressed as Bible characters or as heroes like police officers. We had games, pizza and lots of candy. It was a great time.
One of the most amusing games was the Fruit of the Spirit game. Each person was given a piece of fruit like an apple or orange which they would push forward by getting on their hands and knees and pushing with their nose. It is a great memory of even the adults on their hands and knees feverishly pushing the orange to get it across the line. Old and young alike were brought together in joyous celebration!
Alternaween
One of the most amazing events I was a part of occurred when several congregations of different denominations got together and held an Alternaween. It was a safe place and time for youth to come together to rejoice in Jesus rather than the devil.
I will never forget when Skillet, the band we had selected, showed up and they were a source of deep amazement for the senior adults who were working security! They almost weren’t going to let them in.
But as we ate together before the show our love in Christ broke through any boundaries and I will never forget the band enjoying time with my children. My children, especially Rebecca still love Skillet.
The concert and event was amazing and many lives were touched! It is one of the highlights of my ministry as different denominations, congregations, ages, races and backgrounds were brought together to worship and love God and to love and serve others! That night I believe we made God smile!
Birthday presents
If Christmas really is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, why do we get the presents instead of Him? And just where does Rudolph and Frosty come into all of this?
God came into this world! Can we even grasp that? The God who created all that is from nothing and after forming us from the earth He created performed the first CPR breathing His Spirit into us to give us life became a helpless infant! Not just a babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, but a babe floating in amniotic fluid within His human mother.
Jesus was growing within the Mother He had created! God left the glories and wonders of Heaven to float in the belly of a woman who was touched by sin and almost stoned because people thought she was a whore!
One of the things I have tried to do at Congregations I have served was to get people to bring birthday presents for Jesus at Christmas. This has been done in different ways such as bringing baby items to be shared at local ministries, books for children, and food items to help families.
So many of our Holy Days have come to be times to get rather than times to celebrate all that God has given to us, given for us and His love for us.
It is my hope that we as Christians will regain the deeper wonder and blessing of God who is the fullness of all that has been, all that is and all that ever shall be!
Christian Year
So many Christians I have known have lost the meaning of the Christian Year and its many ways of experiencing the love of God. We have lost so much of how Christians for hundreds of years celebrated the work of God in our world and in our lives. Because of this we lose the joy of knowing all God has done and the joy of being part of the worship of God over hundreds of years by so many.
Following the Christian Year is a way to see and experience how God has worked in creation and in humanity. It is also a good way to understand how God works in our lives over the years of our lives.
Advent – means arrival or coming and is the four Sundays before Christmas. In its earliest incarnation (bad joke) it was a time of fasting. It also is a time of preparation for the Second Coming of Jesus.
Christmas – This word means Christ and mass or flesh and signifies Jesus the Christ coming in the flesh what we call the Incarnation. It is God taking on flesh to be a sacrifice for all of humanity.
Ordinary time – comes from a word meaning counting the weeks and it a time between the important seasons of the Christian year.
Lent - begins with Ash Wednesday and runs through Holy Week which makes 40 days not counting the Sundays. It is a time for penitent preparation to receive the gift of God in Jesus Christ which is experienced in Easter.
Passiontide – is the time of Holy Week until Pentecost as we experience and seek to appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and all it means to us.
Easter – A celebration of the resurrection of Jesus and the new life that we can receive through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Easter became such an important part of the Church theology and life that the Sabbath for Christians gradually changed from Saturday to Sunday.
Pentecost – is the fiftieth and last day of the Easter season. The Church celebrates the Coming of the Holy Spirit and the change He has made upon the Disciples who became the Apostles and the Church as a whole.
Trinity Sunday – we celebrate the mystery of God who is One yet is three Persons in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
These are just some of the highlights as there are many other special days and in some denominations there are days for Saints or for other great events in the Church. Each of these days and seasons are way for the Church to remember and experience what God has done in the Church and to help us understand what God is doing in their own life.
Secrets of the Sanctuary
Every place of worship holds codes that preach a sermon to us about God’s grace every time we enter. After many years of serving difference congregations with different Sanctuaries I have tried to learn some of these “codes” and teach them to others. Often I have found the kids more receptive to these lessons than the adults.
There is not time here but I will attach a copy of A Worship Decoder. This is my putting on paper what I have taught over the years. It is nowhere near exhaustive so I hope you will take it farther and discover the wonders of all God has done for you shown in the place you come to worship Him!
Discover in the symbols on the furniture or on the windows the symbols of God’s glory. Every time you see a cross standing tall on a church building may your heart beat a little faster and your joy be greater remembering, “"And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself."” (John 12:32 NKJV)
It is my prayer that seeing the coded message of the Sanctuary will lift you to better lift up the God who has done so much for you so that others will be lifted up by what the Father is still doing in Jesus Christ and through the Holy Spirit! May you desire to make God smile!
Chapter 7
Holy Conferencing
As a United Methodist pastor my life has been full of holy conferencing. From the very beginning Methodist have gathered to celebrate the good God has wrought through them, to plan how to meet the needs of where they serve, celebrate those who have gone to be with the Lord and to be appointed to their new field of service.
This tradition continues now in the yearly schedule of conferences:
Charge Conference – made up of the congregation or congregations a pastor serves and serves as a time of planning for the coming year.
District Conference – each Annual Conference is made up of Districts usually divided along geographical boundaries and during this Conference they set the program and budget for the coming year.
Annual Conference – Lay and Clergy members of the congregations in the Annual Conference join together to plan the conference wide missions, budget and programming for the coming year and prepare for Jurisdictional and General Conference. Each year the Bishop over the Annual Conference fixes the appointment of pastors to their charges.
Every quadrennium or four years Methodists have:
Jurisdictional Conference – representatives from Annual Conference’s in a geographical area gather to define ministries and to elect Bishops’.
General Conference – representatives from Methodist Conferences around the world gather to set the “Discipline and Polity” of the United Methodist Church.
I have never had to go to the quadrennial conferences but every year I plan for, prepare for and attend my Charge Conference, District Conference and Annual Conference. Here we Methodists plan for the future, find ways to connect together for support and for missions and worship together as we celebrate our common Lord!
My Conferencing
My first experience with Charge and District Conference came when I began the process of answering God’s call to serve as a United Methodist pastor. Allen Memorial UMC recommended me for the ministry and Rev Ogle Wattenbarger became my shepherd through the process leading to ordination.
At times the process was confusing but at last it came to fruition as I attended my first Annual Conference to receive my first appointment. Year after year I attended these conferences and they marked my growth as a pastor and the struggles of the United Methodist Church.
While I remember the conferences where I was ordained as a Deacon and Elder, the conference where we celebrated the life of my Father in law Rev Kenneth Perkins and seeing friends and classmates progress in their ministry I have also seen the struggles of my denomination.
Hot topic
There have not been many years that the topic of “human sexuality” was not discussed, debated or even argued! Too much time has been spent on this issue that is causing division in many of the mainline denominations.
My experience with this topic precedes my time as a Methodist. As an Elder in the Presbyterian Church we were asked by the Presbytery to discuss this topic as a church or as Elders. As the Elders started the discussion as to what our beliefs should be about homosexuality one of the other Elders proclaimed. “We don’t even have a right to discuss this issue. God is very plain in the Bible about homosexuality and so we cannot even discuss this!”
Over the years many have tried to cloud the Biblical message or overcome it with our desire to be nice, but I still am brought back to the thought that we do not even have the right to discuss this because God is very firm about this.
But there are some things we MUST discuss! Such as if this is a sin as the Bible states than are we doing harm by telling people they are okay in this lifestyle. My fear is that the Church is sending them off to hell with a smile on their face and we may bear their blood on our hands!
By the same token those who hate the sinners because of the sin are just as wrong and our heart should go out to those struggling under ANY sin!
I know this view makes me very outdated and actually finds me sort of in the middle between the two stances often shouted (no longer discussed). But since Jesus was the Man in the middle on the cross I feel very comfortable being there.
Other side
But the other sides of my memories of conferences are often very wonderful. For years I sat with Rev Kenneth Perkins, my father in law and enjoyed the wonderful fellowship of so many of his friends as well as mine, enjoyed listening to his joyful singing of hymns while both he and I struggled to find the key and praying for our denomination that seemed to each year tear itself a little more apart.
I have been blessed seeing people I have known honored for their sacrificial work in blessing the lives of so many people within the Conference and around the world.
Hearing the thanks from around the world of people who have been redeemed and reclaimed by the message brought to them through the efforts of our Conference.
Renewed and called again by the amazing preaching of some of the greatest preachers in the world lifting Christ and calling me to lift others to Christ!
And last and certainly the best is hearing almost 2,000 people sing together the hymns and praise choruses of our faith. So many hands lifted in praise, adoration and in beseeching God! So many tears flowing down cheeks as people were moved by the Holy Spirit! The visual shine on the face of those who lifted not only their voices but their faces to God! These are high, holy moments I will never forget and are glimpses of worship in heaven!
Chapter 8
Prayer
Prayer has been an important part of who I am as a Christian and as a minister. My drive to get people to pray and to set up groups for prayer has wavered at times and not really been successful. Even in my own family I have failed to develop a time of family prayer and personal prayer.
Please do not assume that this confession is a statement saying that a prayer ministry isn’t important or is impossible to do. In spite of the difficulty or maybe even because of the difficulty prayer must be an essential ministry of not just a congregation but of every Christian.
What makes prayer so important is that it is one of the main parts of our maintaining a relationship with Jesus Christ. For some this isn’t seen as an important part of their faith. To many Christians faith is not only the beginning of salvation but the full expression of it.
But I believe God saved us so that once again we could have a relationship with Him as expressed in His cry at the Fall “Adam, where are you?”
The burden of Habakkuk
At times we see prayer as being saying nice things to God and asking Him for the things you need and if you are nice what others need.
But Habakkuk feels a real burden for his people and his nation. Looking around he sees the crime, violence, trouble and a lack of justice which is destroying his nations and is sign that they have drifted from God.
First let us hear Habakkuk’s “burden” and how He brings it to God.
Book of Habakkuk
Habakkuk’s prayer
1 ¶ The burden which the prophet Habakkuk saw.
2 O LORD, how long shall I cry, And You will not hear? Even cry out to You, "Violence!" And You will not save.
3 Why do You show me iniquity, And cause me to see trouble? For plundering and violence are before me; There is strife, and contention arises.
4 Therefore the law is powerless, And justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; Therefore perverse judgment proceeds.
From the prayer we see this is not the first time Habakkuk had asked God to deal with the sin and destruction in his nation. You can hear his impatience as he cries out to God and asks God why He is allowing him to see all the iniquity and trouble.
Habakkuk’s indignation is rising as God seems to either refuse to answer his prayer or is delaying too long for Habakkuk. Why won’t God do what Habakkuk wants? Doesn’t God care about all the violence and for the righteous who are victimized?
And midway through Habakkuk’s prayer God answers.
God’s answer
5 ¶ "Look among the nations and watch—Be utterly astounded! For I will work a work in your days Which you would not believe, though it were told you.
6 For indeed I am raising up the Chaldeans, A bitter and hasty nation Which marches through the breadth of the earth, To possess dwelling places that are not theirs.
7 They are terrible and dreadful; Their judgment and their dignity proceed from themselves.
8 Their horses also are swifter than leopards, And more fierce than evening wolves. Their chargers charge ahead; Their cavalry comes from afar; They fly as the eagle that hastens to eat.
9 "They all come for violence; Their faces are set like the east wind. They gather captives like sand.
10 They scoff at kings, And princes are scorned by them. They deride every stronghold, For they heap up earthen mounds and seize it.
11 Then his mind changes, and he transgresses; He commits offense, Ascribing this power to his god."
Wow! This is definitely not the answer Habakkuk expected or wanted! God is going to send the terrible Chaldeans to correct the evil and unrighteous behavior of Habakkuk’s nation. Has God lost His mind or is God evil? Have thought of God in this way before?
Habakkuk’s response
12 ¶ Are You not from everlasting, O LORD my God, my Holy One? We shall not die. O LORD, You have appointed them for judgment; O Rock, You have marked them for correction.
13 You are of purer eyes than to behold evil, And cannot look on wickedness. Why do You look on those who deal treacherously, And hold Your tongue when the wicked devours A person more rightous than he?
14 Why do You make men like fish of the sea, Like creeping things that have no ruler over them?
15 They take up all of them with a hook, They catch them in their net, And gather them in their dragnet. Therefore they rejoice and are glad.
16 Therefore they sacrifice to their net, And burn incense to their dragnet; Because by them their share is sumptuous And their food plentiful.
17 Shall they therefore empty their net, And continue to slay nations without pity?
1 ¶ I will stand my watch And set myself on the rampart, And watch to see what He will say to me, And what I will answer when I am corrected.
The humility of Habakkuk is amazing as he waits for God to correct him! I must sadly admit I often wait to tell God why I am right. God responds to Habakkuk's prayer and humility.
God’s answer
2 Then the LORD answered me and said: "Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
4 "Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.
5 ¶ "Indeed, because he transgresses by wine, He is a proud man, And he does not stay at home. Because he enlarges his desire as hell, And he is like death, and cannot be satisfied, He gathers to himself all nations And heaps up for himself all peoples.
6 "Will not all these take up a proverb against him, And a taunting riddle against him, and say, ‘Woe to him who increases What is not his—how long? And to him who loads himself with many pledges’?
7 Will not your creditors rise up suddenly? Will they not awaken who oppress you? And you will become their booty.
8 Because you have plundered many nations, All the remnant of the people shall plunder you, Because of men’s blood And the violence of the land and the city, And of all who dwell in it.
9 "Woe to him who covets evil gain for his house, That he may set his nest on high, That he may be delivered from the power of disaster!
10 You give shameful counsel to your house, Cutting off many peoples, And sin against your soul.
11 For the stone will cry out from the wall, And the beam from the timbers will answer it.
12 "Woe to him who builds a town with bloodshed, Who establishes a city by iniquity!
13 Behold, is it not of the LORD of hosts That the peoples labor to feed the fire, And nations weary themselves in vain?
14 For the earth will be filled With the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, As the waters cover the sea.
15 ¶ "Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbor, Pressing him to your bottle, Even to make him drunk, That you may look on his nakedness!
16 You are filled with shame instead of glory. You also—drink! And be exposed as uncircumcised! The cup of the LORD’S right hand will be turned against you, And utter shame will be on your glory.
17 For the violence done to Lebanon will cover you, And the plunder of beasts which made them afraid, Because of men’s blood And the violence of the land and the city, And of all who dwell in it.
18 "What profit is the image, that its maker should carve it, The molded image, a teacher of lies, That the maker of its mold should trust in it, To make mute idols?
19 Woe to him who says to wood, ‘Awake!’ To silent stone, ‘Arise! It shall teach!’ Behold, it is overlaid with gold and silver, Yet in it there is no breath at all.
20 But the LORD is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silence before Him."
In the Bible we are taught about the Cup of God's wrath which Israel must and will receive from the hand of Jesus. The suffering and pain they caused will return on them who either didn't know or care about the “Golden Rule”.
Habakkuk’s prayer
1 ¶ A prayer of Habakkuk the prophet, on Shigionoth.
2 O LORD, I have heard your speech and was afraid; O LORD, revive Your work in the midst of the years! In the midst of the years make it known; In wrath remember mercy.
3 ¶ God came from Teman, The Holy One from Mount Paran. Selah His glory covered the heavens, And the earth was full of His praise.
4 His brightness was like the light; He had rays flashing from His hand, And there His power was hidden.
5 Before Him went pestilence, And fever followed at His feet.
6 He stood and measured the earth; He looked and startled the nations. And the everlasting mountains were scattered, The perpetual hills bowed. His ways are everlasting.
7 I saw the tents of Cushan in affliction; The curtains of the land of Midian trembled.
8 O LORD, were You displeased with the rivers, Was Your anger against the rivers, Was Your wrath against the sea, That You rode on Your horses, Your chariots of salvation?
9 Your bow was made quite ready; Oaths were sworn over Your arrows. Selah You divided the earth with rivers.
10 The mountains saw You and trembled; The overflowing of the water passed by. The deep uttered its voice, And lifted its hands on high.
11 The sun and moon stood still in their habitation; At the light of Your arrows they went, At the shining of Your glittering spear.
12 You marched through the land in indignation; You trampled the nations in anger.
13 You went forth for the salvation of Your people, For salvation with Your Anointed. You struck the head from the house of the wicked, By laying bare from foundation to neck. Selah
14 You thrust through with his own arrows The head of his villages. They came out like a whirlwind to scatter me; Their rejoicing was like feasting on the poor in secret.
15 You walked through the sea with Your horses, Through the heap of great waters.
God spoke and Habakkuk was afraid. We believe if you love God you will not fear but only those with perfect love will have no fear.
The faith of Habakkuk
16 ¶ When I heard, my body trembled; My lips quivered at the voice; Rottenness entered my bones; And I trembled in myself, That I might rest in the day of trouble. When he comes up to the people, He will invade them with his troops.
17 Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—
18 Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
19 The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills. To the Chief Musician. With my stringed instruments.
WHAT FAITH IN GOD AND LOVE OF GOD!!! I so admire the heart and soul of Habakkuk! Habakkuk truly is a man after God's own heart!
Chapter 9
Theology?
When I became a Christian I assumed theology was the combination of Theos (God) and Ology (study of) so it meant we were to study God to get to know God better.
I was surprised to discove most attempts within the denomination and seminary were to learn theology rather than to know God. We wanted to learn what are the current beliefs prevalent around the world so we could either cast our lot with the group we agreed with or be able to argue with those you disagree with.
Often I discovered our theology is shallow because we were looking at means rather than ends. For many see Jesus saving us as the end of what God wanted to achieve when it really is the means to the end.
God’s great desire is for us to once again be able to walk and talk with God as we did in the Garden of Eden. One way to see this is when Adam and Eve do the stupid and fall God does not send lightning bolts but asks, “Adam, where are you?” WOW! God’s first respond to our fall, the destruction of everything good He had created and our virtually spitting in God’s face is to MISS US!
Can you grasp this? Can you understand such a love even in the action where we turned our back on God and condemned ourselves and our offspring to death and hell God out of His great love wanted us back!!! SUCH A LOVE!!!
World of theologies (Theology for the World)
Much of my early Christianity was spent studying other people’s theology. Was the theology of the Church of Christ better than the Baptist Church? Was the theology of John Wesley better than the theology of John Calvin? Was Liberation Theology important because of its call to the use of violence in support of the poor? What about German Theology which taught to critique the text of the Bible rather than seek to understand it?
We also had the various Eschatological beliefs and their affect on what we believe about God and how we should live our lives. Could I believe God was going to remove me from a chance of suffering as He prepared to return when so many Christians in the last 2,000 years have suffered so much and are suffering today? Can I accept God who saw human sexuality so clearly and made it part of not only creation but the Second Coming could change all that to appease human society?
I began to see theology must be true to all people of all nations of all times to be Truth! For God to change at a dramatic level would take away our foundation God is for those who believe in Him and that He is consistent and unchanging! We could no longer trust anything God taught or said.
Reality
In reality studying God is our part of rebuilding the relationship with God we were created to have. Jesus was willing to suffer everything for it to happen!
I recently did a study titled “The Upside Down World of Theology”. It was my attempt to explain “theology is really just a friend getting to know their best friend better”. Each chapter and theological statement was summed up in a statement and a sentence to help others understand it.
Here is list of the chapters and some of the ways I have come to know my Best Friend! I hope and pray it will help you to discover ways to get to know Jesus and to come to see Him as a real God with a real personality!
Chapter One
No good deed ever goes unpunished.
We do not do good for what we get from it, but because we want to make God smile!
Chapter Two
Life is rough, and then we die
While this seems negative it means that our lives are the seed of the amazing forever we will spend with our God.
Chapter Three
God’s economy is not like ours!
We are taught to earn and save, but God calls us also to give sacrificially as He did for us!
Chapter Four
You get out of Worship what you put into it.
Worship is not entertainment; it is giving our praise to God who blesses us 24-7!
Chapter Five
Where two or three are gathered together there had better be food.
Throughout the Bible we see God use table or eating together to unite His People. We particularly see this in Holy Communion.
Chapter Six
Churches are like cows, they digest slowly.
Sometimes we get upset that the Church does not change quickly,
but often this serves a protection from falling for bad things.
Chapter Seven
The Ten Commandments are like a protective fence.
We often see the 10 Commandments negatively, but they form a protection for us.
Chapter Eight
Love is decision not a feeling.
Love is deeper than mere emotions and is a true commitment.
Chapter Nine
Committees are formed so we can say we did something without having to do anything.
Sometimes we are more interested is saying we did something than in doing it! Most things done in the church by people with a calling!
Chapter Ten
Faith is not what we live for, but what we are willing to die for.
Faith is more than just believing God to get out of hell,
but being willing to face hell to serve the God who gave Himself
for you and for those He loves!
Chapter Eleven
Hope is a four-letter word everyone can use.
Hope is part of the Trinity of God working in us and it often is needed to
prime the pump of faith and of love.
Chapter Twelve
Theology is a friend getting to know their Best Friend.
We are developing a relationship not learning a lesson!
Chapter Thirteen
God never asks anything of you that He hasn’t already given you.
This is one of my early lessons that God gives us everything He asks us to give to Him and has already done for us anything
God asks us to do for Him!
Chapter Fourteen
God loves you enough to accept you as you are, and loves you enough to not leave you there.
First I learned God is willing to receive us even when we are
the worst of sinners, but God expects us grow in faith and grace
to become more like the person He created us to be!
Each of these theologies came over time and at great cost to me. I pray you will find them helpful. But the important thing is you get to know the amazingly wonderful God who created you, loved you even when you fell, died for you, lives with you and seeks to bring you to forever live with Him.
Enoch moment
One of my favorite messages is about the verse where it says that “Enoch walked with God and was not.” It seems such a little thing we can overlook it. But it is so amazing!
A preacher once said he believed the story of Enoch could be summed up that God and Enoch spent so much time together and walked together so much one day God said “Enoch, we are closer to My house than yours. Why don’t you come home with Me?”
This is the end result of theology.
Chapter 10
Divided loyalties
People used to joke Baptists grew by division because with a congregation it seems funny but it is a sad statement of fact that the Church has fought with each other over the centuries.
Splits, anger, hatred and even murder have been a sad part of the history of the Church! I have over and over seen the destruction, hurt and pain coming from putting our emphasis on being right rather than loving God and His children.
While this does not meant we should allow wrong to save the feelings of others we also do not have to force things upon people they are not ready to receive. This comes under what I call God things.
Most of the trouble I have had is when I try to take on God’s job. God is the only one who can truly save, redeem and change a person. We can change their minds but that is like changing the direction of the wind, it will just change again!
We must have faith God loves people enough to change in them what needs to be changed and have patience with them because God has patience with us. I remember one particular time getting so angry at a person who wouldn’t understand and losing my patience. As I prayed at them to God I distinctly heard God say “Now you know how I feel.”
Apostle’s Creed
A lesson to learn is we who are in the Body disagree on so many things but to be in the Body we must agree on Jesus Christ and a core of belief’s which can be summed up in the Apostle’s Creed. This statement of faith goes back at least 1600 years and its continued use through centuries of theological turmoil is a testament of its truth.
I include what the Methodist Hymnal calls the Ecumenical Version. I like to use this because it retains the line about Jesus preaching to the souls in hell. While this teaching has been part of Church teaching for almost 2,000 years our scientific time no longer believes in hell or the devil. I am sure the devil finds this and us amusing.
Apostle’s Creed Ecumenical Version
I
believe in God, the Father Almighty,
creator of heaven and earth.
I
believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived
by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under
Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried;
he
descended to the dead*
On the third day he rose again;
he
ascended into heaven,
is seated at the right hand of the
Father,
and will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I
believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic** church,
the
communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection
of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
*Traditional
use of this creed includes these words: "He descended into
hell."
**universal
– Body of Christ
We often think we are so modern and beyond the “simple superstitions” of the past. But in our arrogance we cannot see we are actually standing on the shoulders of the very people we condemn. We are using their teachings to build from and sadly if we are not careful we will become like those in the past who in their zeal to be the most powerful will destroy the very foundation of civilization.
Shooting our own
Because of the danger of not understanding the Body of Christ and how God works I leave a Civil War cannon ball which was found at a battlefield sitting on my desk when I serve a congregation. It is a reminder of a story that helped keep me from many troubles.
The story is during the Civil War Robert E. Lee sent his chaplain off to alert an artillery unit they were firing on other Confederate troops. Riding to warn them in the face of danger the chaplain cried, “Stop firing men, you are shooting at your friends!”
Many times friendly fire has hurt others and even at times destroyed people’s faith. One of the saddest parts of being a pastor is trying to help those who have been hurt by those in the Church.
Lord’s Prayer
We pray the Lord’s Prayer seldom seeing we are asking God to forgive our sin to the same degree we forgive others! This is a chilling reminder forgiveness must not only come to us but must pass through us!
The Lord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.
Amen
One of funny things to me is calling the Lord’s Prayer the prayer Jesus taught us to pray. But to me John 17 is really the Lord’s Prayer as we hear Jesus pray WITH the Father and revealing the heart of God to us in a most intimate way! Reading this prayer is so humbling and moving to me and guides me in how I pray and how I serve such an amazing God!
The Lord’s Prayer
John 17 reminds me I have no right to pray at people or to give up on people for each of us come to God only because others have prayed for us and because others have not given up on us. Some of you may be saying right now nobody prays for me and everyone has given up on me! Then you haven’t really read John 17!
Look at John 17 and discover the heart of Jesus and what God desires to form within us! Be in awe of a God who sees in us not only a people to be saved, but who God desires to actually bring into the Godly love and fellowship.
I would take time here to walk through this, but as I write this I believe this is a God thing that He wants to share with you. If you will take my recommendation bring a pen, paper, tissues and a lot of humility.
Chapter 11
Where are we?
In America we are constantly arguing about abortion and homosexuality while sexual slavery rises, abuse grows, the family is destroyed and people have lost not only their hope in God but their hope in this world.
As a student of history I have seen over and over what happens when people are angry and frightened and have lost their moral compass and hope which can only come with God. Contrary to what the media and scholars says this is a “normal” time in the world when the people of God are too busy with friendly fire to fight against the power of the devil and evil. (Have you ever noticed that the devil is evil with a d added?) You may notice I don’t capitalize devil. This is not because I am illiterate or because I do not think the devil is powerful but because we capitalize something when it is a name and I believe that when sin corrodes a life out of a person they actually cease to be a person and become a parody of what they believe, thus devil and evil.
New date old times
We are once again at a point like before the Civil War and so many other wars. Did you know about a decade before the United States split over slavery most of the major denominations had split because they didn’t want to follow God’s way but their own ways? From those splits the nation split and no matter how you figure it close to a million people died and we are still split over the wounds and scars of that split.
Before the split was mostly along geographical lines. But places like Missouri, the Appalachians and so many other smaller areas give us a picture of the pain and suffering that could happen today because we as the Church are more interested in our way rather than The Way!
Shoutin’ Methodists
The history of Methodism has the amazing picture of the old Camp Meeting Days and of the Tent Revival. People would come together and all day long (much longer than an hour) they would hear preachin’, have great singin’, people would weep after being convicted of their sin and they would shout about the assurance they were saved!
Today the shoutin’ Methodists are seen more at the Conferences as we revile and shout at each other. Unwilling to trust God or our own beliefs we feel we must destroy rather than convince or convert.
We have become like the terrorists who build bombs to destroy those that disagree with them to defend the God they no longer believe is big enough to take care of Himself or His “enemies”!
Whalized
I fear we are becoming like Jonah who was a prophet sent to convict and condemn sin to the nation he hates so the sinners could be saved by coming to God. But Jonah hated the people of Nineveh and wanted them destroyed so he ran from God.
God redirected Jonah with a whale and a whale of a storm (sorry couldn’t resist) and vomitized (Can you believe spell check doesn’t think this is a word?) Jonah where God wanted him to be.
Experience Jonahs anger with God for forgiving the people of Nineveh and his peevish self sitting overlooking the city waiting for God to obey him! WOW!
The interesting part about the book of Jonah is only Jonah could have written it or provided the information for someone else to write it.
Jonah or Paul
What we must decide is if we are going to be Jonah’s or Paul’s. Where Jonah was so angry at his enemies that he sought their destruction Paul was different.
At first Saul was just another Jonah but God got hold of him and showed him the blindness of his soul. Through Jesus the scales not just of his eyes but his soul were peeled off and Saul could see the love of God and became Paul!
After that Paul continued to preach hope and redemption even to the people who tried to kill him and would eventually succeed. I know Paul is seen as so hard and often disliked by some his evangelism changed the world and his teaching set the Church in a direction which has set free many captives and brought whole families and peoples to Jesus Christ to discover the love of God!
So will you be a Jonah or a Paul? As a Jonah you will celebrate the destruction of those who disagree with you or those who are “ungodly”. If you are a Paul at that very moment you will see an opportunity to share with them the love and hope of God.
The real point I guess is which do you believe is more like Jesus?
The future of the Church
The Church in America is slowly losing ground in about every way. Church buildings are becoming museums, apartments, stores and even places of worship for other religions. Fewer people attend worship services, read the Bible or give to support their congregations.
But at the same time we see the Church in Africa growing in the face of persecution and struggling circumstances. The Church in South America is growing and reaching out to expand its borders beyond borders. In Muslim lands even where there has been often extermination attempts against what they call Nazarenes many Muslims are coming to Jesus at times through visions of Jesus coming to them. The Church in China is growing so fast the communist government is concerned. A professor in China has recommended that a course in Christian Ethics be taught to help the growth of business in their country. Ministries are reaching out in many closed countries around the world.
The future of God’s Church is ever moving forward and reaching out. Recently I read Chinese Christians are sending missionaries to the Middle East in an attempt to bring the Gospel completely around the world and South Koreans are sending missionaries to the US! God is still working in His Church and in the world!
Chapter 12
Mandates
The Church like the world is looking for the recipe for success for each congregation. The conference is always looking at what is successful at growing congregations and then tries to pass that on to struggling congregations as a way to help them grow. This seems to make sense in so many ways, especially for Methodists who are so connectional and seek to minister together to increase their impact in their communities and across the world.
The thought is that the structure, membership methods and programming that is successful at one congregation will work in struggling congregations and help them grow to be vital congregations that grow and impact their community.
While this is logical and seems to be a plan that will bring great success that will continue to spread and raise up leaders in congregations and in the conference. But we so often forget about the difference in not only each city or community but each congregation.
What will work in one community may not even be needed in one just down the road. Each community has its own social, educational, economic and even age-level strengths and weaknesses. One congregation I served wanted to work with children but there were too many ministries chasing too few children. At the same time very few were working with the elderly who were a large and mostly unserved group. It seemed every time I tried to promote a ministry to the elderly the Conference would push for ministries to Young Adults and Children.
A congregation must respond to needs in their own congregation and in their community. These needs must be met with the gifts, talents and graces existing within the congregation.
To force a congregation in a community with different makeup and needs and with a different pool of gifts to try to apply the program from somewhere else can cause not only failure but make it harder for them to try again. Each failure makes it harder for those with a vision to unite support and gives more ammunition to those who have no vision.
God’s place
The most important problem though is that at best the system makes little room for God. Christians too often make their plans and then ask God to please bless that which are going to do anyway!
To me the most misunderstood word in any language is God. We define God as an all powerful, all knowing and all caring being and then we plan our lives, our families, our congregations, the Church and the whole world as though God doesn’t even exist.
Congregations make their plans guided by what they believe is common sense with no more thought about God than to open and close their meeting with prayer. If they do that!
When was the last you as a person or as part of a congregation decided to ask God from the start about what your plans should be and even what you or your congregation should be? Do you spend as much time in prayer as you do planning?
One of the things we miss by acting without prayer is a real relationship with God. MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY PROGRAM, ANY STRUCTURE, ANY MINISTRY, ANY MISSION OR WHAT MAKES US A PART OF THE CHURCH IS OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!!!
From our relationship with God comes our hunger to serve because being loved we are called to love. From our relationship with God we realize that while we want to nourish the bellies of hungry people we also need to nourish the deeper and more eternal hunger of their soul! God guides us to the people who need and speaks to our souls the words and efforts that will speak to their souls and help them have a relationship with God.
Left to ourselves we become bureaucratic social workers who if we are not careful become harder and bitterer than those you seek to serve. We need the continual refreshing, recreating and renewal that the Holy Spirit can bring into our hearts and souls. If we try to make it alone we will be crushed under the weight of the pain and suffering around us.
When I was reading a fictional book called “The Prophet” I wondered at the immense burden of pain and suffering God felt constantly and continually. I asked God to give me just glimpse of what He experienced and suddenly I began to weep uncontrollably from the heartache, pain, anger, hatred and evil that poured upon me. I begged God to take it away and as it left I can honestly say I have never seen God the same way.
Since then I encourage my congregations to “Make God Smile” by their worship and their love. For if I can help remove one pain from God or give God even one thing to smile about maybe I can bless the One Who loves me most even after knowing me best!
How do you think God feels when His children go about their lives as though He isn’t there until they fall and get a boo boo and need His attention? How would you feel?
How can you make God smile today?
Chapter 13
Worldly Church
We hear so much in our times about the Church being worldly. We Christians often join with the crowd of the world in criticizing ourselves and more importantly our brothers and sisters. There are two main problems with this assessment.
We are limited because often we don’t know the history of the Church which goes through cycles and often has know times of worldliness we can hardly imagine. Those who call themselves Christian have often perverted the Gospel to the point of enslaving and even killing those they disagree with.
We are limited because we don’t know the Church around the world that in spite of persecution often is growing and affecting those around them and their societies. We often do not see the growth of God’s Church which at all times, and all seasons goes on all around us. Look and see the goodness of God.
Facing life and death
During my time of ministry I have seen those of faith suffering terribly and facing death with faith where their only concern was for their family. I have seen so many share sacrificially and offer even themselves so others could receive the Good News or even a meal.
Money matters
Recently one of our members got it into his heart to provide flood buckets for those in need. The United Methodist Church keeps warehouses all over the US filled with these buckets to offer to those who have suffered and regularly we are called to replenish the supply. Lee Shands organized and got together over 90 of these buckets with a value over $50 each. And he did this at a time when they were not and floods to show the need! Soon they were in use!
Over the years I have seen people give cars, money, their time and even their homes to help those in need. I have so often experienced those who gave sacrificially to so many different needs and causes.
Our Conference was raising money for mosquito nets to help save lives of people in Africa. They met a pledge of saving 100,000 lives by raising one million dollars. I brought the idea to the children of our congregations need to raise over $800 at our congregation. Within a month we raised about $840 and were one of the first congregations to have our money in. In just over a year the conference raised the million dollars and brought hope to so many families.
This “worldly Church” has opened hospitals, schools, nursing homes, retirement homes, orphanages, food banks, clothe banks, food lines and so many other ways of touching the lives of those in need. I have never served in a community that the congregations didn’t work hard meeting the needs of those who seemed to slip through the world’s cracks.
I have been part of a ministry bringing low cost food to those in need, worked at a homeless shelter, served as a chaplain at an Alzheimer’s unit and a Psychiatric unit, worked with a ministry for those who wanted to leave the homosexual lifestyle, a ministry for those with addictions, ministries to four different jails, ministry to feed children during the summer and so many other ministries beyond serving as a pastor.
I know there are worldly Christians and even stingy Christians but if you look you will see that many people’s needs are met by their neighbors who are people of faith and through ministries that are Church related or were started by the Church.
In Knoxville, Tennessee area you had Baptist Hospital (now closed), Presbyterian Hospital (now Fort Sanders), St Mary’s and Methodist Medical Center in Oak Ridge.
Reverend Ken Perkins, my father-in-law, once told me that people usually had to offer their wallet before they truly offered their heart. My experience is someone who is a spiritual Christian is usually a cheerful giver.
Giving to Jesus
Someone once asked me if the tithe was to come out of their full salary or the after taxes and benefits were taken out. I told them if they had to ask then their giving wouldn’t really be blessed or be a blessing.
Those who give themselves to God usually have no problem giving to others. In the early Church we see people sharing so no one had a need. Early Christians were known to help nonbelievers around them, at times even those who had mistreated or persecuted them. Many people came to Jesus after being served by people of faith.
Over the years I have found a wonderful joy in giving. Not just money, though we have always tithed, but offering ourselves to help and minister to others. I think one of the reasons we are so unhappy in America is we do not appreciate what we do have. In giving we come to appreciate the value of what we do have rather than just seeing what we don’t have.
At a congregation I served I would take the Tweens class to the Nursing Home and gave them a chance to help others. They enjoyed those times and were often amazed at how happy their efforts made people and what a difference it made to them,
We so often underestimate our young people thinking they only want entertainment when they want to make a difference. I think the problem is young people who do wrong usually get most of the press while those who do good often go unnoticed.
Receiving from Jesus
I believe one reason we are not more giving is we really don’t appreciate all God has given to us and for us. You really need to “Count your blessing, name them one by one. Count your many blessing see what God has done”. Sit down now and write a list of everything God has given to you and all God has done for you. If you are honest it will be a very long list!
I pray you will receive the fullness of all God has for you and come to joy in the abundance of His blessing.
Chapter 14
Health
When I became a Christian someone told me now everything would be good because I was a Christian. There are times I wish I could go back and smack them. But seriously, I really am amazed at what people believe about Christians.
All of that is to set the groundwork for the statement that because of my past I wasn’t the most healthy of specimens and being a pastor is not usually helpful in becoming healthy.
Over the years I have battled many different diseases, health issues and an abundance of pain. This has made me empathetic toward the pain of others and has greatly affected my beliefs.
As a child I had all the usual childhood diseases twice except mumps which I had three times. I also had scarlet fever, hepatitis and Tuberculosis as a child growing up in a very poor family in the city. I used to tell people if you are poor in the country you have food to eat but poor clothing. In the city you have better clothing but not a lot to eat.
As I got into my teen years I began to drink alcohol and in the Navy as I saw things I couldn’t handle I drank often and a lot. Whether because of my drinking or not I developed a blood disease called ITP (Idiopathic Thrombocytopedic Purpura).
My body was ravaged by the time I was 19 and my spirit and soul were either dying or dead. Hearing I was going to die seemed like the end of my pain and suffering. But we must remember without Jesus death is only the beginning of our suffering.
When I became a Christian what I call the Prosperity Gospel was growing in Congregations in America. If we are honest the Prosperity Gospel could only grow in America. Most Christians around the world understand pain and suffering are part of the fallen human condition. The Gospel is good news because it teaches us pain can have redemptive meaning and God understands our pain and dwells with us in the midst of it.
The cross is proof Christianity has a true and deep understanding of pain and its meaning and this sets it apart from the religions of the world.
We pray asking God to relieve our pain but God sometimes calls to us and says I am healing and strengthening you through your pain.
The blessing of pain
One book besides the Bible that has helped me understand pain is a book entitled “Pain, The Gift No One Wants”. This book speaks about those with Leprosy and what they have discovered is lepers do not feel pain. Without pain they can put their limbs in the fire and end up losing parts. They also cannot feel a cut or infection and this also can means loss of bodily parts.
In America where we believe there is a medication for every hurt and pain we spend so much time dulling our pain we no longer can receive the redemptive healing that comes from pain.
I deeply understand pain as I have experienced a steady pain for over 40 years. There is always a nagging pain left over from my childhood and Navy years but there have also been several times of serious illness since then.
Currently I am going through Small Fiber Neuropathy and at times there is numbing of my legs and feet up to my waist and of my hands almost up to the elbows. I also have many different pains in different places which at times are very terrible. At night, before I started on the medications, for four hours I felt like someone was cutting my leg open and removing my bone. It was so terrible that I could not speak or scream as it seemed my voice was caught in my throat. When I could get up I fell in the door to the bathroom and got wedged in until Bonnie could help me get up.
I have lost my congregation, my ministry, my dignity, my ability to provide for my family and yet the greatest fear I have is if something real comes up I won’t notice it or even feel it.
The pain I am experiencing now God is using to increase my faith and the faith f my family. Having lost my congregation we are applying for disability and that is an experience of pain that we hope will be redemptive.
The only thing I know for sure is God loves us and is blessing us daily. We have seen His hands holding us and we have experienced the provision of God from His people. I have experienced God’s presence and love moment by moment.
God has used my wife Bonnie and daughter Rebecca to advise me to do a blog which I entitled Daily Dose of God’s Glorious Love. Here I share my experience of God’s blessing in the midst of pain rather than from pain.
I know God could heal miraculously because He did that when I was 19 and dying of ITP. But as I was losing my ability and the pain was growing I asked God to heal me so I could continue my ministry where I thoroughly enjoyed the people and place. But God told me He was going to heal me through the pain.
As I read scripture God led me to the story about the man who had been sick since birth. The disciples asked Jesus if the man’s sickness came from his sin or the sin of his parents. The answer Jesus gave spoke to my soul. That the man’s sickness was for the glory of God!
I told God I was willing to suffer if it would bring Him glory and honor and would minister to others as He gave me the faith to suffer through. If my suffering can bring a smile to God’s face I know so many others have suffered so much more to glorify God and no one more than Jesus!
Again I would say God never asks anything of you He hasn’t already given to you and God never asks you to go through anything He hasn’t already gone through for you! I believe that not only with my heart and soul but also my body.
Chapter 15
Third Time is the Charm
I could have titled this going down for the third time but in honor of my wife Bonnie I am putting the positive title on this!
Coming to my last charge was quite an opportunity for me. People would ask me where I was going and when I told them they would exclaim, “That is a great church!”
Getting here I really felt I was in over my head. High quality staff, an active laity, they were financially sound, they were reaching out to the world and an administrative setup any conference would envy.
What could I offer here? I was the fix-it pastor. They usually appointed me to charges that were bankrupt or struggling in some way and twice I was told if they couldn’t be saved then I should close them gracefully.
The first couple of months were spent with me feeling out of my element, like a duck out of water. I actually prayed to God I wouldn’t embarrass Him by what I did there.
But I also knew in my soul this is where God wanted me to be. More than any other place or at any other time I knew this is what God wanted. Maybe this was His attempt to stretch me and give me a bigger church? While that could be I never really wanted a bigger church. I liked being where I knew the people and could be part of their lives.
As the weeks passed I started to see why I was here. In their unity there were fractures and many people were hurting so much and amazingly they shared them with me earlier than ever before. For all their stability there were seeds of problems that were growing and could destroy them. And their past pains and struggles had never been dealt with and an underlying hurt and anger pervaded. While they worked to do God’s will they did not work together!
The “old teachings” God has given to me over the years started coming out.
Forgiveness – if we do not forgive we are committing a slow form of suicide.
Opening up – being willing to be a little unhappy with things at the church if it means others are made happy.
God centered – are we making God happy by how we worship and how we treat each other.
HOPE – hope is the good soil that is necessary for faith and love to grow! See the good God is doing all around you and it will give you strength to face what needs to change!
As you read this you may be turning away thinking I am a very egotistic person. YOU DO NOT KNOW ME! Left to myself I will screw everything up, but in Christ God can use me to do amazing things. And God usually seems to use me to fix things. Maybe that is because God had to do so much fixing in my life!
I am writing this not knowing how it will turn out. There is no way I can know if this will “work out”. But I know why I am here and I know God is big enough to use even me to bring hope, healing and glory to these people and this place.
(God can even use you!)
It has always been such an irony to me God could use me to help others. With so much trauma, addictions to alcohol, comfort food and pornography only a glorious God could and did use me!!!
Now I know I am no longer sinking, but riding the waves here and God is filling my sails and directing me in the way that will lead me and hopefully those I am here to serve Home to God!
That I am used to. It is How God has used me and where I feel close to Him. I find I am always closest to God where people are hurting and where need is seen for that is where you will always find God. If you do not believe me than believe Jesus! (Luke 15:3-7)
“3 So He spoke this parable to them, saying: 4 "What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 "And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 "And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 "I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.” (Luke 15:3-7 NKJV)
Jesus is always searching, and finding, those who are the least, last, lost and lonely. I know from experience God hears not only the screams of those in pain, the quite cries of those in grief but also the heart cries of those souls committing the most barbaric of acts.
When I first read this scripture I was frankly aghast! Lord, why are You leaving Your sheep behind?” What are they to do while You are off chasing down those who need You? I mean I didn’t want God to not go after them, but what about His own flock? After all isn’t He the Good Shepherd?
In the quietness of my soul the answer came and all of a sudden everything changed for me. Because I understood God expected the 99 to follow their Shepherd and not only be there with the Shepherd and get to see His great work in the lives of those who had no shepherd but to help welcome the new sheep into the flock!!!
When we sit back and wait for the Shepherd to be there for us we miss the glory of seeing the Shepherd at work and never develop the faith to really believe God can make a difference in our lives and the lives of others. But as I sit here waiting for disability, having lost my charge, my opportunity to serve as a pastoral minister, many of my abilities like being able to tie a tie or even my shoes I know from seeing God touch so many lives in so many different ways My Shepherd is not only Good, but His flock is made up of good sheep who God will use to help me and my family!!!
It is my hope and prayer each of you will experience the glorious presence of the Good Shepherd.
Final thoughts
Now I am on full disability and slowly losing my strength and abilities. It is hard to describe how constant pain over years drains a person.
But we got short term disability and didn't miss a paycheck, got a house just when we needed it, were able to get on full disability and they helped me get Medicare.
Every need has been met in a glorious way and we have had the joy of seeing God's love and provision.
I still hurt and suffer daily even in the midst of God's provision just as many others do. But I rejoice God has not and never will forsake my family and I. Please know God will never forsake you. Wherever you are or whatever you go through God is there and does care! I speak from hard earned experience.
I am adding a couple of studies which have helped me a lot. I hope and pray they can be of help to you.
Appendix 1
A Worship Decoder
All around you in the sanctuary are symbols that are codes to understanding the God we worship and how we should worship Him. Here are the meanings of the codes you see every Sunday.
Colors: The colors for the Altar clothes and other items have their own meaning.
White: purity and holiness Red: redemption, salvation sacrifice
Purple: royalty and power Green: new life and provision
The Altar
The altar is a reminder Jesus is the Lamb of God sacrificed for us so all items on the altar represents Jesus. Everything on the Altar should say something about Jesus!
Cross: reminds us Jesus gave Himself for us. It also shows we should be firmly established with God (vertical post) in order to reach out to the lost and our brothers and sisters in Jesus (left and right arms).
Offering plates: reminds us as God has given us everything He blesses us by allowing us to give!
Bible: the written Word of God reveals to us the Living Word of God Jesus Christ
Candles: remind us Jesus is the light of the world. The number of candles teaches us too!
1 = The Lord our God is One God!; 2 = Jesus is fully God and fully man; 3 = the Trinity; 4 = four corners of the world and Gospel for the whole world; 6 = creation (seldom used); 7 = fullness of creation and the Sabbath; 12 = twelve tribes and twelve apostles the people of God
Altar cloth: reminder of the Tabernacle made of curtains, the veil before the Holy of Holies and the cloth used to humiliate Jesus during the Passion.
Communion elements: The Body and Blood of Jesus are presented in different ways in different denominations and congregations.
The altar can also contain olive oil to show the healing power of Jesus, incense to remember the sweetness of the presence of Jesus and other items used by different denominations.
The altar rail
The altar rail places us before the altar so we can meditate upon Jesus and spend time with Him in prayer! The middle is usually open to show since the sacrifice of Jesus rent the veil before the Holy of Holies we are now allowed to enter into the presence of God ourselves and do not need a priest.
Pulpits
Pulpits are for the proclamation of the Word of God. The Bible is read and the Gospel proclaimed by the preacher from them. Some have one while others have two. With two pulpits the larger is usually used for preaching and the smaller for announcements.
Piano and Organ
From our Jewish heritage music has been a part of worship. Many of the Psalms have choir and music notations on them. Some denominations do not believe in music because it is not directly mentioned in the New Testament. But the Apostles would have known music in their worship.
Choir loft
The choir loft is usually around the altar area. The choir is singing to God and so should be pointed at the altar. In fact everyone in the sanctuary should be pointed at the altar directing their worship to God.
Audio/visual equipment
Audio/visual equipment can be used to enhance worship with our video oriented society. With audio/visual equipment has come a new problem, to not let worship degenerate into entertainment.
Appendix 2
What
is the Romans Road to salvation?
Romans 3:23 - Recognize our sin
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23 NKJV)
Romans 6:23 - Recognize the price of sin
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23 NKJV)
Romans 5:8 - Recognize hope!
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NKJV)
Romans 10:9 – Recognize our need to confess
“that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9 NKJV)
Romans 10:13 – Recognize salvation
“For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved."” (Romans 10:13 NKJV)
Romans 5:1 - Recognize justification and peace with God
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,” (Romans 5:1 NKJV)
Romans 8:1 – Recognize our new life
“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1 NKJV)
Romans
8:38-39 – Recognize our assurance of salvation and God’s
love!!!
“38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor
life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present
nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created
thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in
Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39 NKJV)
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