-

8/12/2022 Weariness wraps around me like a funeral pall on a casket and leaves me at times catatonic or like I am dead. Feeling is peeled away like the layers of an onion with nothing at the center. I want to is lost without energy to nourish it. It is like depression but it is not. It is not depression but a hole I at times do not care enough to get out of. I must find hope beyond hope or I will fall into existence and never leave or care to leave. To be whole I must have hope to get out of the hole.

Is this from my mind? Thoughts I probably shouldn’t have. Or should I?

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

-
April 3, 2018 Tuesday “But Mary stood outside by the tomb weeping, and as she wept she stooped down and looked into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain. Then they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.” Now when she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there , and did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” She, supposing Him to be the gardener, said to Him, “Sir, if You have carried Him away, tell me where You have laid Him, and I will take Him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to Him, “Rabboni!” (which is to say, Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, an
Read more
-
September 3, 2017 Sunday             Even after a long Saturday I was able to go to Asbury and receive Communion and to worship my Lord and My Love.   We stayed for Sunday School and Peggy had a great lesson from Dr Kalas’ book Parables From the Backside Volume 2 .   A great class, a great teacher and a great book.               In the afternoon I tried to sleep but just was able to rest some.   VERY worn out by being so busy but it was good.   Bonnie remembers when we would visit Gramps, her grandfather; he would say that he would enjoy the memory of our visit for weeks.   Now I understand what he meant.   So many wonderful memories nourish me every day.
Read more
-
May 19, 2017 Looking back             As weeks turned to months the memories grew and even connected together.  A dark memory from my time in the Navy connected with a dark memory from my childhood.  Each one as I explained to my counselor and to Bonnie had a “ghost” with it.  A person who seemed to haunt my life.  Watching the news connected to a memory and suddenly I could smell, taste and see the memory and it became more real than my daily life.              At the same time I was growing weaker and the pain in the body was increasing.  There was a general weakness that began in my fingers and toes and moved upward more rapidly in my legs than arms.  The cramps became an agony and happened at least two times a night.  Lasting for about an hour each time I became more and more sleep deprived even with my C-Pap machine.             I contacted my Staff Pastor Parish Relations person and the District Superintendent to let them know about the trouble I was having as I was sl
Read more